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Fake Trust

by Natty Virachack

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1.
Shower 03:40
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i know my mind ain't right these are moving when i'm not looking i imagine my insides being tied i know it doesn't happen, but just: what if? i'm terrified of my life i need to think, i need to think or something to distract me - i keep my mouth shut tight i need to breathe, i need to breathe but i'll say another lie drip, drop; it attacks, but i don't react when it hits the floor, i hear a laugh i tried to be clean, but i'm dirty again but this hot shower comforts me just like a friend - i can't clutch on puddles down the drain it reminds me of why i have a messed up brain
2.
Fake Trust 03:50
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i've been on your case, yeah, i've been on your case i knew what you play, i knew cause my mom told me all about it she calls it my father's side that's why we quit seeing them anymore when he was gone, they tried to take his car i don't want that at my death but i'm just like him, i'm just like him... i've been on your case, i've been on your case dont act like the prey, dont act like the prey all i know how to do is stay im frozen cold when you finally say that i want to stay away from you oh... oh... i've been on your case, i've been on your case i got no trust, only anxiety call it paranoia right in front of me and here your sleeping on why i'm gone by the end of the conversation why i'm the only one in this house with some patience why i talk to God when i don't claim a religion maybe it's because i stay hidden... (i saved you from all of that talk)
3.
No Compromise 03:30
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i wish there was a compromise but you're all like i don't wanna try this anymore; i'm on the floor feeling exposed because you know things about me others don't forget about the times you saw me cry and i'll forget all your lies, no questions why. i'm going from high to low tide this is the start of the divide i swear i will take over! catch me acting up, i'm testing my luck i swear i will take over! i'm not doing too much i am losing touch - i know this is not what i'm suppose to be don't need a doctor to say anything i know i made this all about me because i have no piece to make me complete enjoy telling all your new friends i cling on like a leech on your head i speak in concepts you don't wanna understand i feel regret, i feel unrest like i'm terrified this whole night if only like our movies i could just... rewind forget about the times you made me cry and i'll forgive all your lies, don't ask why i'm going from high to low tide this is the divide.
4.
Different World 03:31
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face plant on the floor i don't know what for i am weak, i am sore call me a bore close my eyes and i travel to a different world to a different world to a different world i see only flashing from cameras i am queen, looking good in some designer i don't worry about family dishonor cause i work solo, i'm a loner i'm a goner like my father i'm not one to bother with competition i slaughter take their place, i'm a robber take their place, i'm in power with power, i get dollars with dollars, i'm a monster but a monster who conquers [CHORUS] - why do i see that girl again? why do i see my old best friend? why do i see my mother; they all say that they love me do they love me? is that something i believe? i'm in love with my dollhouse imagination and its plastic acquaintances i feel just like a kid i don't like admitting it cause i'm suppose to be grown and ready not zoned and messy yeah... it's all my fault i didn't care at all i am so appalled i caused my downfall
5.
Elevate 02:55
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i just crashed a car and threw the keys in the lake throwing glass from the roof just to hear it break tryna erase that im making many mistakes i'm drowning myself once it gets to the weekdays ... it's transition now and im not ready for it ... i'm tryna make them proud yeah im not ready... when i was born, i was suppose to be going up it aint bad luck, i just didnt care enough im going numb; i cant feel the passion im going dumb; i cant stop the crashing "will she ever know?" all i do is hesitate, all i do is contemplate "will she ever know?" i cant control my fate, but im still tryna elevate... "it's a contest of the highest. am i a bump or mount everest? land of ashes, call me wilson tryna get a cut of money, not my skin." im balling up all cause i was late... yet im strong when i see my father disintegrate... all my lifetime i acted tame... i'm a basket case tryna act okay! stuck in the same place! soon, i'll be a showcase...
6.
Suicide Car 03:26
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suicide car: welcome to the ride to the best part of my life. i'm turning dark not cause it's night. i'm making my mark, are you ready to die? i'm in all black, looking like the reaper. looping the same track so the time seems longer before we crash... we hit a hundred miles an hour! i'm in power! i turn the music up much louder! i'm really coming home... not to that house where i'm all alone [CHORUS] - i know i am imagining such dark things exaggerating... what am i saying? i'm sobered up from my rage, my demon's locked up in its cage. yeah this is up for debate i say i didnt act on my hate so i didn't commit any mistakes i'm gonna try to prove that i'm okay okay? imma take a breather unless someone breaks procedure ...LET ME THINK THIS ONE TIME! i'm trying to think of a reply! keep talking, you got my tongue tied! all your talk got me losing my pride; oh now you've crossed the line [CHORUS+] is it you or is it me? you'll choose what you're gonna believe.
7.
Heart of Gold 02:45
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i didn't become my friends from before did they transform or did i become bored? i didn't know that this could happen childish me thought love was everlasting now i'm nothing, i'm nothing i was a heart of gold til i understood the world now i have turned to stone when i looked in its eyes i've seen the light but i can't fight back. i am nothing like my mother hypocrisy & impatience moved me farther i didn't know that this could happen they say that you're like your parents now i'm nothing, i'm nothing [INTERRUPTING CHORUS] i wanna break i wanna break out
8.
Do You Believe Me? 03:55
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i flip through a photo album under my tv, i see pictures of me looking like nothing is wrong at all... yet i only knew how to crawl then ... - i wonder why i'm saying i'm dead in a suburbia it doesn't make sense to my little head but i cant seem to convince myself otherwise i believe my own stories so i ask you do you believe me too? i'm not trying to impress girls anymore i've shut the door left the phone ringing in favor to check my own self and my mental health; how i react to people in front of me, what i think about this reality... do you believe me too? do i speak of truth? am i confused? do i have a clue?

about

Fake Trust deals with my trust issues and how I react towards myself & my environment because of it. Creating this was me trying to find the root of my paranoia, as I reference events in my life that effected my perception of trust, and presenting indecisiveness about the morality of how I responded to those events that end up effecting me later in life. I use an ironic, unreliable narrator device to the theme of trust & belief in order to have the listener have a sense of paranoia themselves. From this, along with an immature tone, the lack of reliability applied to the listener parallels with my relationship with myself & my environment.

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released February 7, 2018

Produced by: Natty Virachack
Performed by: Natty Virachack

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Natty Virachack Dallas, Texas

11/29/21: wtf im lookin at all thse pix w/ me init holy fu im ugly

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